What expectations did Moses have for his time in Midian? Having fled Egypt with a price on his head, I imagine that at least some of those years were spent looking over his shoulder, but when he left Midian to head back to Egypt he didn’t exactly run. Was it fear of what might happen? Did he like it in Midian? (See Exodus 3.)
These questions are unanswerable, but it has caused me to wonder about my current wandering. I have for as long back as I can remember, expected to achieve great things! I imagined a nice house, financial wealth, positions of influence, a rewarding career, wonderful familial relationships, abundant hobbies, and (while not a car guy) sweet rides! I allowed myself for many years to believe that while I hadn’t yet arrived, I was well on my way to accomplishing those things.
Now I have had successes and feel as though I have had a good, meaningful life, yet there is a significant gap between all my expectations and reality. The reckoning hasn’t come all at once, but has been building for just over 2 years. For the bulk of my married life, I felt as though I was working a plan which will it didn’t initially include being an Agency Owner it quickly become so as I pivoted away from being a Military Chaplain. Then as I transitioned away from being an Agency Owner of 9+ years it wasn’t until I was flailing at the next job and on the brink of being fired that I acknowledged that I was not getting to where I wanted to be at nearly the clip I had previously expected and certainly nowhere near the pace of which I had dreamed. Then I started the job at Marsh fully confident that in less than two years I’d be at least where I was at USI but such is not the case and the trajectory will on an incline is not at all keeping up with inflation.
This post doesn’t have a resolution per se just expressing in an open manner that I feel this way as I attempt to document my journey to flee the emotional captivity in which I am bound.
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